She's on fire

I went into the Catholic blogs today for the first time in nearly a year. After being so deeply entrenched in that world, it still feels so familiar, but a couple thoughts just hit me.

The Ex and I broke up in part because of the fruits of the period of time in which I became so zealous and dogmatic, and I am often blamed (by certain members of our mutual-friends group who are not religious or are anti-religious) for that. I'm certainly fine with that, because no one lived inside our heads during that final rough patch and I don't expect anyone to understand what I was going through. But that zealotry certainly CAN lead, generally, to a personality that many people are turned off by.

But a few months after the breakup, when I was my angriest, saddest, and most deeply entrenched in the blogosphere and atmosphere of militant traditionalism (the atmosphere that the Ex and The Roommate said was so detestable), I met two of the people who are most important to me. My GBF and the rest of the Lunch Club encountered me right in the middle of that difficult period of my life, and right as I was starting to come out of it, and I feel like they knew me and I knew them and we fell in love despite my narrow vision and hurt and all the other things I was dealing with.

I feel like my perspective on life changes all the time. It's almost like I've got a camera crew circling me and I can actually see through the lens at the moments when their focus switches from a direct shot to a wide-angle shot. As a result, I change my mind on things a lot and need to know as much information about as many things as possible. (Ironically, I despised school.) I suppose that's one of my greatest quests, and why I'm making such a big move in (gasp) 44 days. It's a big world out there, let me at it!