"Mostly Alone"

Sometimes I'm afraid that I've spent too much time by myself these past few years. When I started my last job, I was going through the first major heartbreak of my life, and didn't have the emotional energy to see my friends.

By the time I lost that job due to the shitty economy, I had made a few close friends at work and was spending time with them more regularly, but my long days at work still made it hard to muster up the energy to go out for drinks after work. Most days, I would come home, make dinner, and watch TV.

When I finally did lose that job, I was emotionally ready for close relationships again, so I threw myself into the activities of the nearby church, which I had heretofore avoided for several reasons. But even that sort of tapered off after a while, and at any rate, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week of unemployment provides PLENTY of time to be alone even with "extra"curriculars (that aren't so "extra" when there's nothing for them to be "extra" from!).

So I still ate meals mostly alone, went to movies mostly alone, watched TV at home mostly alone... the list goes on. And after a while, after the terror and extreme discomfort subsided, I really started to - perversely - enjoy it. I relished the ability to finally do things by myself, after 8 years of codependence in high school (friends/family) and college (boyfriend/friends). I'm still a social creature and do prefer to be with people most of the time (although I will NEVER clothes-shop with someone ever again, I hate it I hate it I hate it)...but being alone is addictive.

So now I've become a little bit of a hermit. My move has forced me to change that somewhat, but I can always beg off with budget excuses or exhaustion or WHATEVER, and it's so tempting. I need to wrench myself out of this voluntary loneliness. Cheaply. ;)