Rutting

It concerns me sometimes how much I fall into habits. I mean, I'm a textbook Taurus, no doubt about it, and therefore prone to ruts and habitual behavior, which explains why I get so comfortable in jobs and relationships that fundamentally don't work. I'm also scared by change with uncertain outcomes - I'm perfectly comfortable re-arranging my furniture every 2 weeks, but don't ask me to put my heart on the line or quit a job with no backup plan.

I'm stepping out onto an invisible bridge again. I hate my job, I hate who I am at work, so May 6 is my last day in this wretched position. I don't know where I'll go (maybe within the same company, maybe I'll start nannying or stage-managing, WHO KNOWS) but I know I'll be happier. Deep breaths.

Also speaking of ruts - there's a guy at work that I've sort of had a low-grade thing for (similar to the guy from this entry; something to tide me over, so to speak, between visits from The One). When he first started working, I was all like "eh, he's way too Ken-Doll for me"... but he's grown on me to the point where I definitely have a little crush. Obviously my first thought was "well, he's an attractive, interesting straight guy in close proximity" and just sort of left it at that. But then a few of us were out for drinks on Friday night, and he started talking about something that he felt passionate about. It hit me like a ton of bricks: the reason I'm attracted to him is because he's EXACTLY LIKE MY EX (except nicer). That fire in his eyes is exactly the fire that The Ex had when he started talking about politics or music or whatever it was that sparked him.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a type, and I totally didn't realize it until now. Sigh.