I can hardly believe I've been at my current job for more than 3 months now. Sometimes it feels like so long ago, and sometimes it feels like I just started two weeks ago... but one thing I have to be grateful for, among my (relatively short) list of complaints is that I don't get the feeling that anyone despises me or is compiling a list of incidents to report to try to get me fired. Sometimes I worry that I have Job PTSD from my days at CND, especially because it was right around the 3-month mark in Phase 2 at CND - after they moved me from Marketing to Sales - that I realized that my manager hated me and was trying to get me fired. And sort of did. (Although whether I was fired, asked to leave, quit... still up in the air. one of life's great mysteries.)
I still don't feel like I'm home-free, but the longer I'm here, the more money it would cost to fire me and train someone new, and for a business that's as nickel-and-dime as this one is, that's security enough. My 3-month review never really happened, but I'm pretty sure that's largely due to the fact that I have meetings with the higher-ups every two weeks anyway, plus my manager's about to go on maternity leave, so she has other things on her mind.
I haven't been in the events industry, especially not in New York, long enough to know if the sales part of this job is normal -- I feel like marketing is one thing, and sales completely another (having worked in both I consider myself a bit of an expert, obviously) and I signed up for neither of those things, although I'm better with the former than the latter. I love the restaurant industry, but I don't think events + restaurants is the best fit for me. My ultimate goal is to do event planning in the hotel industry anyway... just gotta keep a level head, hope for the best, stick it out at least a year, then find the next step up.
Everything else in my life is amazing, though. AB makes me feel so safe, which I suppose gives my Id pause because it thinks safe = boring... but after everything I've gone through in the last 3.5 years (I've now been more or less single for longer than I was with The Ex... crazy) it feels so good to know I can trust and rely on someone. I'm still hesitant to put a label on it, or even bring up putting a label on it, even though I haven't been seeing anyone else and I'm about 98% sure he hasn't either. Part of me is still hanging onto The One despite finally accepting the fact that he doesn't love me the way I need him to. I know I'll always love him, and so much of me wants to hang on until the next time he comes into town so I can sleep with him one last time... but for the first time in a long time I feel like I've found a genuinely good, respectful man, the likes of which I didn't think existed (especially in this city).
Now watch, he'll have a tiny dick.
These are the things that keep me up at night.
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