Oops!... I Did It Again.

Not 20 minutes after my last blog post, I was thinking about a guy I had seen around town occasionally and felt I had some sort of spark with, so I decided to look him up on Facebook. And there it is - he's gay. This of course sent me into a minor tailspin, because I feel like I do this ALL THE TIME. Most of the men I'm attracted to (or maybe "drawn to" is a better choice of words, although attraction is also true) these days are gay. Seriously. My friends make fun of me all the time.

So I spent a good deal of time really wracking my brain, trying to figure out why on earth this keeps happening to me. I went through my very obvious "Bad For Me" phase with guys after The Breakup, when I only spent time with guys that would treat me poorly, but that's been a long time. And I've fallen (or re-fallen) in love, and had not-a-big-deal crushes on nice straight guys, so it just didn't make sense.

Then of course I talked to my darling roommate, the psych major. The reason that makes the most sense, I think, is that I am ready to date again but scared to put myself out there (which I already knew) so I am subconsciously "choosing" men who will not reject me on a personal level, because they CAN'T. (Didn't think of that before.)

Great, figured that out. NOW WHAT? Just because I know it's happening doesn't mean I can stop it, because it's entirely subconscious. New York, of course, is full of gay men, but my theory is this: There are tons of men, PERIOD, so at least one attractive straight man has got to go nuts over me, right? :)