Disordered

So, I have this bizarre rule-type-thing that doesn't even make sense, really, when you dissect it, but here goes:

I can do whatever I want [sexually] with whomever I want as long as I don't think there's any chance of the two of us getting married. But the second I meet someone who is marriage material, all I'm gonna do is kiss and cuddle. No sex. I mean it.

It doesn't even make sense, I know, but when The Roommate and I discussed it a couple months ago, we finally settled on the idea that I need the person with whom I'm intimate to feel the exact same way about the sexual encounter as I do. If I know it's casual, then it has to be casual to them too. But if it's A Really Big Deal, then I need for it to be A Really Big Deal to them too, or I'm shattered.

So here I end up with this virgin/slut dichotomy (not that I've had sex in MONTHS, mind you) that is going to be a very difficult thing when I do find myself in a relationship again, and especially if said relationship happens in New York, which I imagine is a much more forward-thinking town in regards to sex.

At least it helps that I'm only attracted to gay men. ;)