Wide Awake

I can hardly believe I've been at my current job for more than 3 months now. Sometimes it feels like so long ago, and sometimes it feels like I just started two weeks ago... but one thing I have to be grateful for, among my (relatively short) list of complaints is that I don't get the feeling that anyone despises me or is compiling a list of incidents to report to try to get me fired. Sometimes I worry that I have Job PTSD from my days at CND, especially because it was right around the 3-month mark in Phase 2 at CND - after they moved me from Marketing to Sales - that I realized that my manager hated me and was trying to get me fired. And sort of did. (Although whether I was fired, asked to leave, quit... still up in the air. one of life's great mysteries.)

I still don't feel like I'm home-free, but the longer I'm here, the more money it would cost to fire me and train someone new, and for a business that's as nickel-and-dime as this one is, that's security enough. My 3-month review never really happened, but I'm pretty sure that's largely due to the fact that I have meetings with the higher-ups every two weeks anyway, plus my manager's about to go on maternity leave, so she has other things on her mind.

I haven't been in the events industry, especially not in New York, long enough to know if the sales part of this job is normal -- I feel like marketing is one thing, and sales completely another (having worked in both I consider myself a bit of an expert, obviously) and I signed up for neither of those things, although I'm better with the former than the latter. I love the restaurant industry, but I don't think events + restaurants is the best fit for me. My ultimate goal is to do event planning in the hotel industry anyway... just gotta keep a level head, hope for the best, stick it out at least a year, then find the next step up.

Everything else in my life is amazing, though. AB makes me feel so safe, which I suppose gives my Id pause because it thinks safe = boring... but after everything I've gone through in the last 3.5 years (I've now been more or less single for longer than I was with The Ex... crazy) it feels so good to know I can trust and rely on someone. I'm still hesitant to put a label on it, or even bring up putting a label on it, even though I haven't been seeing anyone else and I'm about 98% sure he hasn't either. Part of me is still hanging onto The One despite finally accepting the fact that he doesn't love me the way I need him to. I know I'll always love him, and so much of me wants to hang on until the next time he comes into town so I can sleep with him one last time... but for the first time in a long time I feel like I've found a genuinely good, respectful man, the likes of which I didn't think existed (especially in this city).

Now watch, he'll have a tiny dick.

These are the things that keep me up at night.

Suck it, Padma Lakshmi.

Just had a dream that I was cast in a school musical... as either a Lady Gaga-type character or a werewolf or something... and I was being physically harassed by this guy... And on the night of the show, I went out to dinner at Joe Bastianich's (pic) restaurant and met Tom Colicchio there and the two of us went on a date. And Joe was filming a reality show about his life and we were filmed. And I didn't ever have time to learn all the songs or lines, but I woke up before the performance.

So, yeah. I NEED to figure out what I'm eating before bed that is causing these dreams. Not that I'm complaining - I've had a crush on Tom and Joe for forever - but still.

I don't even LIKE Casey James in real life!

Today's weird dream: I was out doing something when I read an announcement from the managers of the nearby Food Lion that had recently closed, informing all that all the promotional/logo signs had been removed and not to go trying to take them. So apparently this meant to everyone that it WAS possible, however, to go in and take food. I, being broke, ran over there and picked up a 2-liter of Diet Coke (it has seeped into my unconscious brain!!) and some Oreos and Cheesy Doritos. As I was walking back to my apartment, a limo pulled up and Casey James was inside. I knew him somehow, and got in and starting hanging out/chatting/catching up. Then for some bizarre reason he wanted me to stop talking so he kissed me.

Happy Halloween, y'all!

Don't STOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Isn't having weird dreams a sign of being pregnant? I know for a fact that I am NOT prego, but I've had some doozies lately! Which means, necessarily, that I am very suddenly into dream interpretation. One thing I've heard about interpreting dreams is that if someone you know is in your dream, that person symbolizes a certain part (personality trait, time period, etc) of your life.

So what in the world does it mean when you start dreaming about being in the cast of Glee?? Ha.

Apparently I was a girl who never really got solos, not because her voice was bad but because Rachel/Mercedes always got them, and during a performance (at my high school, no less... *shudder*) of the song featured below, I somehow knew that Mercedes wasn't going to do her big diva thing (if you listen to the song you'll know exactly what I'm talking about) so I went for it... And I was the total hero, everyone was lifting me up on their shoulders and talking about how awesome it was. So, I don't even know where to begin trying to interpret that one.

Y'all ever have bizarro dreams? Start dreaming about TV shows?