Best of Twitter: January 2011

Bitch, I am REALLY NOT OKAY with you telling me to close my window shade. If you have so much glare then you should get a screen protector. Also I sit right next to you. I do not have glare on my screen. I call shenanigans.
31 Jan

I don't care where he likes to stick it, or where he likes it stuck... Matt Bomer is just the hottest thing on the planet. #unf
30 Jan

I'm cheating at a game of chicken - I'm not the one with anything to lose.
28 Jan

urgghhh inappropriate sex fantasies at work = i am NOT being productive today.
28 Jan

New fave activity: watching tourists in Times Square get almost-decapitating by falling chunks of snow/ice. Mwa ha ha.
27 Jan

Yep that's right, I am Mayor of BOTH MY OFFICES. #fml
26 Jan

I just ousted Janiejaner G. as the mayor of Condé Nast Digital on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/9B0EJT
26 Jan

It is so cold in this office that my Lindor truffles are hard. That is not a euphemism.
24 Jan

What the actual fuck is an express train for if it moves slower than the local trains?? #fuckyouMTA
24 Jan

9 degrees? NINE??? I'm filing a complaint.
24 Jan

You'd think that a "good morning sunshine" text would mean one does not have a girlfriend. You'd think wrong. This is so weird.
23 Jan

Yes, I am about to order delivery from the restaurant that is literally across the street from me. I DON'T WANNA DRY MY HAIR OK?
22 Jan

Woke up topless. Alone, but topless. & the tip I left the cabbie seems reasonable. Don't remember much but I seem all in one piece. Success!
22 Jan

Dear F/M train: I have been in these heels for 13 hours and counting. Please hurry the fuck up so I can get home.
20 Jan

At my first indoor soccer game since college... Makes me miss watching @themusci's finery (and dreamy quads. yeah i said it).
20 Jan

Soccer team dinner! Wait, I'm not ON a soccer team...
20 Jan

Best part of winter? Coats are so bulky that I can have a mini dance party on the sidewalk and (I think) no one can detect it! :D  (In case you all were wondering, yes, I am jamming out to Hanson. Jealous??)
20 Jan

HAAAAA MAYOR OF MY OFFICE. #fml
18 Jan

I just ousted @rebeccaisquith as the mayor of Condé Nast Digital on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/7WyaNQ
18 Jan

Thought process about 30min ago: "I have nowhere to be today. I'm thirsty. Whiskey? Whiskey." #playcation
17 Jan

It feels amazing to know that I have friends who quite literally count down the days until I come visit them :) #SB11
15 Jan

Washing down my sudafed with a swig from my Robitussin bottle... Keepin it classy on the subway platform #ilookhomeless
15 Jan

Robo-tripping at work... this could get interesting
14 Jan

Just booked my ticket to Chapel Hill... Carolina here I come!!! :)
13 Jan

Fuck Ophiuchus, I'll be a taurus until the day I die. Fuck that Aries bullshit.
13 Jan

Evil BitchMom: "Is it snowing?" Me: "Yep! Just started! I'm excited!" Evil BitchMom: "I'M NOT." (of course you're not you old hag) #snooooow
11 Jan

Off to @JohnnyGWeir's book signing... SO excited!!
11 Jan

Ran into the evil bitchmom from my building in the Rite Aid. All I have to say is, if you want perfect/subservient children, get a gerbil. Seriously, all she does is whine about how they run around/get their shoes muddy. THEY'RE 8 YEARS OLD.
10 Jan

Cat that just ate like 12 canaries/ lots of other metaphors
8 Jan

RT @TheThryll: If you were stranded on an island and could only bring one Dave Matthews album, how would you kill yourself?
7 Jan

Y'all. How did it take me so long to find this wonderful corner of the internet? Google image search the term "241543903".
7 Jan

He's gorgeous, he's Catholic, he can cook AND clean, he's a perfect gentleman... I'm IN LOVE. Can we get married tomorrow? #newofficecrush
7 Jan

Woke up, possibly still drunk?, it's snowing, and my roommate took a 10-minute shower for once in his life... wtf is going on???
7 Jan

Also, "You're really pretty........... All you'd have to do is keep your weight down and you'd be PERFECT!" is NOT A COMPLIMENT.
3 Jan

Drunk snorkeling: bad idea, good idea, or BEST idea?
3 Jan

Drinking a Bud Select on the beach after swimming with dolphins. If my mother weren't such a psycho I'd be in paradise right now.
3 Jan

SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS TOMORROW. Also I will be back in NY in ~24 hours and I'm more depressed about that than I figured I'd be.
2 Jan

Space Mountain what uuuuuuuup
2 Jan